The Ones that Count the Most

Since my son was able to gurgle, it’s been obvious that he was timid. A little shy, a lot goofy and a whole bag o’ sensitive. When he went to preschool, we could see his behaviors in action, observing a situation before diving right in and thinking things through long and hard before making any sort of rash decision. Is it safe? Will it hurt others? Is mom going to get mad if I do it? It’s almost like he would calculate factors in his brain, mentally weigh them, listen to both the devil and angel sitting atop his shoulders, and then POOF! Decision made. There is no rushing him. There is no pushing him. There is no talking him in or out of whatever it is he’s been analyzing. He is who he is, and he’s awesome.

In September, he entered kindergarten. As I feared the unknown, he surprisingly jumped in without hesitation – a characteristic completely unlike him. But it was like magic. The perfect and most timely choice for his first cannonball. And what a splash he made! In four short months, he is riding the bus, reading full books, writing words based on letter sounds, adding, subtracting, and counting to ten in Spanish. As parents, it’s our job to beam at every accomplishment and encourage social and academic success. Then today we got his first report card.

I remember report cards growing up. Going to Ponderosa for a family buffet when we all did well. Struggling to explain what went wrong when we feared disappointment. Thinking full well the letters on that paper were going to make or break our futures. I got detentions in high school. Lots of them. Many my parents still don’t even know about (they do now – hi, mom and dad!). All for dumb things like being late for class because I was chatting (*shock*) or pulling a prank on a friend who deserved it (like scotch taping every pencil from her locker to the hall walls…not sure why that was so funny to me?). I knew some teachers loved me, just like I knew some teachers less-than loved me. My grades weren’t always grand. They weren’t always buffet-worthy. They certainly weren’t going to get me into Harvard. But I went to college. I graduated with a decent GPA and I landed a job in a field that I enjoy. Know what else I did? I learned about myself, found some passions, failed some relationships, nailed some relationships, betrayed some relationships, danced, stayed up too late, had deep conversations with shallow friends, had shallow conversations with deep friends, went on long walks, enjoyed nature, accomplished bucket list items, played sports, managed my health, got my life together, and smiled. A lot. The most important lessons I learned through school couldn’t be found on any report card (and I’m not just saying that because I was sub-par on the letter scale). They are the lessons that get us through life. Which brings me back to my son…

Nate and I looked at his report card quickly then set it back onto the table seeing no jarring notes or slashes and moved on with our rushed morning routine. I sat back down with it a few hours ago and read it line by line. I decoded the plus signs vs minus signs and read the full descriptions of P vs S vs E (seriously, what happened to A, B, C?). I went through each section and smiled approvingly at his Checks:

• “Identifies upper and lower case letters.”  Check
• “Begins and completes work on time.”  Check
• “Manages time effectively.”  Check (this is so not the case when we are running late for school and it takes him 45 minutes to put his shoes on, but whatever)

Then I read this one:

• “Respects and collaborates with others.”  Plus

One of his solitary pluses was based on the way he works with and respects others. I read it three times, and then once more because the third time the tears that were welling in my eyes got in the way. That’s the stuff. Those are the ones that count the most.

Our kids may be disorganized or clumsy or have a learning disability. They may be forgetful or shy or the polar opposite of shy. They may be spirited or dramatic or easily distracted. But what I consider important – what makes me cry when reading a report card – can’t be tested on paper. It can only be demonstrated through the actions of the heart.

And this little boy’s heart? It earned itself a buffet.